Addriana

Step by “step”

In Uncategorized on February 19, 2013 at 5:31 AM

There is a story from the Bible about King Solomon and his wisdom. (1 Kings 3:16-28) The story is about two women who both give birth around the same time. One night one of the mother’s rolls over and kills her baby by accident. Then she switches babies and pretends that it was the other mother’s fault. The next morning the mothers fight over the baby and the problem is presented to the King. He suggests that they cut the baby in half so each mother can have a part of him (the baby). Then one woman cries out and says that the other woman can have the baby. King Solomon then figures that the woman who would give up the baby to save its live is the real mother and the baby is given to her. 

There were times in my life I had to pray for God‘s wisdom. About 24 years ago I was pregnant, I anticipated that my life was going to be a difficult one (t0 say the least) if I had the child. Thus, I arranged for an abortion. It was a choice I made but as the date drew nearer I was having a change of heart. However, the day before the abortion was to take place, I miscarried my baby boy. I didn’t understand and I saw this as a punishment. My child was dead and I blamed God for taking him away. I was angry at God, I wanted the child and God took it away. To make matters worst, the hospital called me two days after the miscarriage to inform me they may have left part of him in me and I had to go back! SERIOUSLY?!?!?!

Every year for approximately 10 years I celebrated that baby’s birthday. I bought a cup cake, lit a candle, sang Happy Birthday and let go of balloons to him. I imagined what it would be like to have him, what he’d look like, the grandchildren that would never come, etc. Every year I mourned his death on the day of the miscarriage and every year I celebrated the life that might have been on his birth date.

But God in His infinite wisdom gave me more than I can ever imagine. I met a man who had a son.  This beautiful little boy lost his mother at a very young age. He needed a mother and I needed a son. As time went on I planned my “step” son’s birthday parties, celebrated Christmas, took care of him during illness and everything a mother does for their child. God filled the void of my lost and gave me a son. The “step” in front of son was the literal and figurative step I had to take in letting go of my anger, pain and lost and in return received love, peace and joy.  My “step” son filled that part in my heart that was empty.

The two women above represents me; NO I don’t have a split personality! But I represent the woman who lost her child and would have done anything to get him back. Solomon represents God because he gave the baby to the woman who would do anything to keep the child alive. God knew there was a baby boy without a mother and there was a mother without her baby….and God brought us together. Only He could orchestrate the chain of events that led up to this day! This doesn’t mean that I’ve forgotten about the baby that I lost, but I don’t mourn him anymore. I celebrate his life by living my life and enjoying all the blessing God has given me.

When you don't understand, the why's and God "steps" in.

When you don’t understand why and God “steps” in.

“I am proof of someone who could never have made it apart from mercy,” 1 Timothy, 1: 15-16. My profile reads I am a wife, mother and proud grandmother, they call me Bita. There will come a day when I meet my child and wrap my arms around him, until that day I will celebrate all that God has given me with laughter, dance, hugs and love. It was taking that “step” in the right direction that I celebrate the life of my would-be son, with the son God graciously gave me.

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  1. a deep sadness and joy for sure. Our God sees our hearts and knows our pain. wounds are stories that help others. Thank you for sharing your joy & Pain.

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