Toxic Qualities

In Uncategorized on March 14, 2013 at 6:02 AM
Toxic PeopleToxic Relationships deplete you. Today its  all about the toxic people who constantly drain your energy, in both obvious and subtle ways. These toxic people will exhaust you or deter you from your path of living a fulfilled life. Life coach Cheryl Richardson describes five types of toxic qualities in people. God doesn’t expect to go at  this life alone, no one should ever think that was their destiny. However, He also doesn’t want you to get with these types of people because misery loves company and at the end of the relationship it will be you who will be miserable.  The Bible clearly states how to deal with these people and their toxic qualities.
The Blamer: This person likes to hear his own voice. He constantly complains about what isn’t working in his life and yet gets energy from complaining and dumping his frustrations on you. The reason always lies outside of self, they are never willing to accept their responsibility in the conflict or matter.

Matthew 7:3-5 Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

Blamers spend their time telling God that they are good people. When we blame others for our sin, mistakes or shortcomings, we are simply saying we don’t truly believe God can forgive us, restore us and change us. In blaming, we deny the redeeming power of Jesus the Christ. Blaming is trying to justify ourselves. It is an act of showing others our righteousness. Instead of admitting our lack of character or integrity, we blame.

The Drainer: This is the needy person who calls to ask for your guidance, support, information, advice or whatever she needs to feel better in the moment. Because of her neediness, the conversation often revolves around her, and you can almost feel the life being sucked out of you during the conversation.

Philippians 2:3-4 Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Drainers are selfish; their issues, hurts and circumstances are the only thing worth speaking of and the conversation no matter how well-tended will always turn to their “suffering”. They trust in man and not God. They want to be noticed for their issues and while they may quote the word, their spirit man is changed not. .  1 Thessalonians 5:11 tells us to “encourage one another and build one another up…

The Shamer: This person can be hazardous to your health. The shamer may cut you off, put you down, reprimand you, or make fun of your or your ideas in front of others. He often ignores your boundaries and may try to convince you that his criticism is for you own good. The shamer is the kind of person who makes you question your own sanity before his.

Romans 2:3 Do you suppose, O man—you who judge those who practice such things and yet do them yourself—that you will escape the judgment of God?

The shamer not only wants you to second guess yourself but God as well. They believe if they can push your buttons and make you fall then all eyes will be off of them. They want you to look less than, unworthy, thus they are raised to higher standards because they walk all over you to get there. This empty conceit is often expressed by building up oneself while tearing down someone else. Each time we try to control our circumstances, our future, and the people around us, we’re only demonstrating that we want to be a god. But we must understand that, as creatures, we will never be the Creator doesn’t want us to try to become gods. Instead, He wants us to become like Him, taking on His values, His attitudes, and His character.
The Discounter: This is the person who discounts or challenges everything you say. Often, they have a strong need to be right and can find fault with any position. It can be exhausting to have a conversation with the discounter, so eventually you end up giving in and deciding to just listen.

Romans 12:2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

In toxic relationships you tend to give up and give in to keep the peace. Just like an item in the store sales rack, they discount your value your worth. There are times when overlooking certain issues may be the easiest and best thing to do, as long as it doesn’t compromise the Word. However, that does not mean that we conform to the discounter at their every whim, we are transformed in Christ thus, we must take our position and be warriors.

The Gossiper: This person avoids intimacy by talking about other behind their backs. The gossiper gets energy from relaying stories, opinions, and the latest “scoop.” By gossiping about others, he creates a lack of safety in his relationships, whether he realizes it or not. After all, if he’ll talk about someone else, he’ll talk about you. Never ever believe you are off-limits.

Proverbs 20:19 Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with a simple babbler.

The gossip is the one person that not only destroys the relationship shared with you as well as those around you. They have nothing better to talk about everyone and everything is the topic of their conversation. There is no room for God on their tongue because they choose to speak death. Gossip’s root cause may be self-justification, jealousy, a spirit of vengeance or simply vanity. But whatever the cause, gossip is sin. It breaks the 9th commandment. God hates gossip, understand this. These people are so toxic and what they spread is one of God’s abominations.

Remember this: “You are at your best when you are in a supportive environment. A significant part of your environment is the people you spend time with. These people have a huge impact on you and your decisions. That is precisely why you need to be sure you surround yourself with those who support you and your ambitions. Do your best to avoid people who belittle your enthusiasm, put you down or try to squash your dreams. Do your best to seek out those that support your goals and share your infectious energy. Surround yourself with positive people. When you combine that with both positive energy and attitude, you can’t help but soar.” ~ Jane Powell


Keeping It Simple & Straightforward

  1. I guess if you hang around with such personalities they will bring a toxic quality in yourself… I’m recognising a quality now.

    • Absolutely it eventually becomes the norm and you begin to become toxic as well which is why I said its contagious. Like a poison changing you into the very quality that you dislike. These qualities destroy who you are which is why the are toxic.

  2. This is soooooo true, thank God Im single! – From Dumon Coleman- Johnstown PA


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