Matthew 7:3-5 Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.
Blamers spend their time telling God that they are good people. When we blame others for our sin, mistakes or shortcomings, we are simply saying we don’t truly believe God can forgive us, restore us and change us. In blaming, we deny the redeeming power of Jesus the Christ. Blaming is trying to justify ourselves. It is an act of showing others our righteousness. Instead of admitting our lack of character or integrity, we blame.
The Drainer: This is the needy person who calls to ask for your guidance, support, information, advice or whatever she needs to feel better in the moment. Because of her neediness, the conversation often revolves around her, and you can almost feel the life being sucked out of you during the conversation.
Philippians 2:3-4 Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.
Drainers are selfish; their issues, hurts and circumstances are the only thing worth speaking of and the conversation no matter how well-tended will always turn to their “suffering”. They trust in man and not God. They want to be noticed for their issues and while they may quote the word, their spirit man is changed not. . 1 Thessalonians 5:11 tells us to “encourage one another and build one another up…
The Shamer: This person can be hazardous to your health. The shamer may cut you off, put you down, reprimand you, or make fun of your or your ideas in front of others. He often ignores your boundaries and may try to convince you that his criticism is for you own good. The shamer is the kind of person who makes you question your own sanity before his.
Romans 2:3 Do you suppose, O man—you who judge those who practice such things and yet do them yourself—that you will escape the judgment of God?
Romans 12:2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
In toxic relationships you tend to give up and give in to keep the peace. Just like an item in the store sales rack, they discount your value your worth. There are times when overlooking certain issues may be the easiest and best thing to do, as long as it doesn’t compromise the Word. However, that does not mean that we conform to the discounter at their every whim, we are transformed in Christ thus, we must take our position and be warriors.
The Gossiper: This person avoids intimacy by talking about other behind their backs. The gossiper gets energy from relaying stories, opinions, and the latest “scoop.” By gossiping about others, he creates a lack of safety in his relationships, whether he realizes it or not. After all, if he’ll talk about someone else, he’ll talk about you. Never ever believe you are off-limits.
Proverbs 20:19 Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with a simple babbler.
The gossip is the one person that not only destroys the relationship shared with you as well as those around you. They have nothing better to talk about everyone and everything is the topic of their conversation. There is no room for God on their tongue because they choose to speak death. Gossip’s root cause may be self-justification, jealousy, a spirit of vengeance or simply vanity. But whatever the cause, gossip is sin, it breaks the 9th commandment and is an abomination. (Bible)
A Self-Coaching moment on Toxic People: