A Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime

In Uncategorized on March 31, 2014 at 5:58 AM

Life can be consuming with just the everyday hustle and bustle but then add to that a relationship that seems to drain your energy and you put your dreams on hold to satisfy this person’s toxic behavior, that defines a toxic relationship. Toxic relationships come in all shapes and sizes: family, friends, neighbors, team mates, siblings, children etc. Misery loves company and no matter who they are or how they are part of your life these people can become toxic. People in your life are either your greatest asset or your greatest downfall. In toxic relationships there will be constant strife and division. Amos 3:3 asks us, “Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?” A healthy relationship is one in which there is a oneness of goals, purpose, values, and beliefs. God’s Word also says, “Where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there” (James 3:16).

The right people will build you up but if you are around the wrong people who have a tendency of being toxic, then their toxicity will be contagious and even addictive. A couple of weeks ago I spoke to a beautiful woman who is very dear to me she truly doesn’t know her worth. I explained to her that the relationship with her ex-husband is like an addiction and it is impossible for her to think she can just be alone with him, without caving to his attentions (positive or negative).

I recently read a transcript of an interview on CBS, which confirmed such an addiction: “We can get addicted to relationships in the same way we get addicted to substances. When we get love, acceptance and validation, our bodies and minds respond in ways that mirror the same endorphin rush that a person gets from cocaine. This drug-like addiction is what makes toxic relationships so hard to break away from. We think we need the approval, validation and love of a person who once gave it to us. We keep chasing the original high, hoping it will come back to us. We deny the truth of the situation, because it’s painful.” Be willing to admit there is an issue, limit your time and exposure to certain people who trigger negative emotions in you, and believe in yourself that you fill find a more loving place. See yourself, the way God see you!

In Romans 12:18, we are told, “IF IT IS POSSIBLE, AS FAR AS IT DEPENDS ON YOU, LIVE AT PEACE WITH EVERYONE.” Unfortunately, there are some people with whom it is NOT POSSIBLE to live in peace. God knows this and Romans 12:18 teaches us what we need to do when we find ourselves in that situation. There are some cases in which we do everything that is in our control to live in peace, but it DOES NOT DEPEND SOLELY ON US. A peaceful, loving, healthy relationship is NOT POSSIBLE if only ONE person is interested in making it happen and willing to do what it takes. Romans 12:18 frees us from the bondage of thinking that we have to stay in a relationship, no matter what the other person does to us. Once we have done what we could to live in peace, we are free to walk away. We are only responsible for doing our part, but if the other person is not doing their part, it is time for us to move on and live the life of peace, joy, and freedom in Christ that God intended for us as his children.

  • Why make the effort to go where people merely tolerate you but don’t celebrate you?
  • Why spend your time, effort, and resources seeking acceptance from people who are so wrapped up in themselves that they can’t accommodate anybody else in their lives?
  • What relationships are draining your energy? What are you willing to do about it? When?
  • Who in your life loves you simply for being who you are?


A Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON . . . It is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a Godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.When people come into your life for a SEASON, maybe your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never know or with them you do something you’ve never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But its only for a season. LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. Accept the relationships for the reason, season and the lifetime you have been given.

Keeping it Simple & Straightforward

  1. I am not a Christian man but I understand the lessons you have put forward. Being an addict of negativity and calling it Love is the problem. So many say “Love” can’t be defined because if there is a definition, people fear the will fall short. Love has a definition which is defined as a lifestyle….something that starts within a person and is law within their surroundings. It’s a standard that must be upheld daily. A personal pledge to breath fresh air into everyone lungs around you. It’s tough when needed, soft when on the same page. It’s every soul’s food and when full it must be regurgitated. The Understanding of Love is what’s going to bring peace to earth.
    Now, as far as the reason, season, lifetime….It’s a nice theory but I thought the reason, we share our seasons, was to build a lifetime of relationships. I know I’m at the age where I want to build strong long lasting relationships that can withstand storms, blizzards, tornadoes, and disagreements…. i have been Liked but Love is my destination. So I can’t be another reason or season because I want a lifetime surrounding me!!!! Beautiful message….definitely enjoyed the read, it has inspired thoughts in me. Thanks you

    • Eloquently stated. And yes, I agree, Love is a lifestyle, however, at times it gets twisted and tarnished by the actions of those who are supposed to be expressing it. I am a survivor of domestic violence. Love is an action, a verb…though not necessarily according to Merriam-Webster. Love is a choice, to be fully present, fully involved and fully reciprocated. I may write a blog and quote you on your take of love. Love never fails and it would bring peace to this earth, however, its in the twisting and tarnishing of those who misinterpret it, that peace is abated.

      Now as far as reason, season, lifetime…A “reason” would cover friends who introduce us to new people, activities, or ways of being and then, poof! Are somehow out of our lives. Like the high school friends we promised to stay in contact with and it simply faded away after graduation. “Season” relationships are theses that last anywhere from a few months to several years or even decades i.e., teachers, mentors, childhood friends, etc; they get into our hearts and shape who we are, then slide, scrape, scramble, or vanish from our day-to-day. Life-timers are just that–the ones we know till the very end–the guides, anchors, companions, and beloveds who would only miss being at our deathbed if we made it to theirs first. I have friends that have been around since I was five years old, a best friend of 40 years, those are my life-timers. We all are someone’s reason and/or someone’s season and there is nothing wrong with that, however, I must agree with you Life-timers are key members of the joy surrounding in my life.

      Peace, Addriana

      • Wow, congratulations for surviving something so tragic, leaving an imprint on your life….I hope it’s just something you have experienced and hasn’t become who you are. Though we are victimized, we should need be victims; allowing criminals to rob us of our hope, faith, and happiness. The act of twisting and tarnishing Love isn’t Love, it’s hate being masked as it’s opposite. Any person that would use purity to be impure is devilish in nature. Love is a verb; a word spoken and brought to life. It’s a dedication of daily rituals, to honor ones heart by bathing the source of that pleasure in happiness. It’s a faith of being faithful, committed, learning, and teaching. Its our glimpse of paradise; our gateway to heaven. It isn’t something define by the body but the soul, so people can’t twist or tarnish Love only create a different word for their actions.

        I understood what you was saying regarding reasons, seasons, and lifetime, and I agree with it being an explanation of how people enters one’s life. I was just saying I will not settle for that world; people should invest in lifetime connections and be able to Love all that has touch their heart. Not play passing spirits, or natural disasters, but homes and communities to rely on for a lifetime….

      • Absolutely! Thanks for the encouragement and perspective. I am far from a victim, I write bc I am a victor. I now use my mess as my message, my tests became my testimony and my disappointments became God’s appointments. I speak at women’s shelters, conferences, colleges etc. I coach women and young adults to aspire to reach for the authenticity of their destined path through their personal journey of resiliency, strength and dignity.

      • Great….given back what was taken; way to show strength and thank you for sharing your thoughts with me!!!!

      • You are welcome, thanks for the comments.


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